Did We Leave the World a Better Place?
In the end, do you want to be one who makes the world a better place or a worse place? Do you want to make someone's day better or make someone's day worse? Can we make the world a kinder place?
That's what this post is about. Four events this week tie into it:
- A personal attack on me on social media
- A discussion with my husband about the couple who bought our house in Duluth and how they have willfully kept items of ours accidentally sent there, rather than allow our son to pick them up--with absolutely no inconvenience or expense to them.
- The interview I did with Crytal Adair-Benning, a ghost writer whose interview will be posted on Step into a Story, as we talked about listening to others, learning their story, hearing where they're coming from--and how this makes for a better world.
- Stumbling across a young YouTuber who impressed me with his ability to have respectful discussions with people who have different views than his own.
I don't think it would be a surprise to anyone to hear that we're lacking civility and basic courtesy in this world; to hear that people are far more willing to say online what they would not to say to someone's face, in person.
I want it clear that my intent with this post is a plea for civility. For all of us to think about how far we as a world have descended into name-calling, character assassination, assigning motives to others without actually knowing their motives, or being willing to believe what we read of another person or their motives without actually listening to that person or considering any other possible explanation. Or perhaps to call others bad because we think it somehow makes us look good.
The world is not getting better for this trend. It's getting worse, and that ultimately means worse for all of us. Even if we're not the brunt of the attack today, eventually we will be.
I want to say, first, that I have a thick skin. For years, I've discussed touchy issues on various social media, religious, political, and otherwise. What side I'm on in any of these arenas is not the point. The point is how we as a society discuss issues, how we reason things out, how we work our way through to an intelligent solution. I want to stress that:
HOW we talk about issues needs to be at the forefront.
Do you believe your position? Calling me an idiot or a moron is not going to sway me to your position. Discussing the issue with evidence, charts, tables, studies, may. Demonizing me will not. I have changed my mind on several things over the years because someone explained why they believe what they do and gave evidence.
This seems so obvious to me that I can only conclude that name-calling is only an attempt to shame your opposition into silence, rather than promote your view with facts and logic. Can you listen to what your opposition is saying without demonizing them, but consider what they're saying on its logical basis and either accept or reject that without it having to be a matter of demonizing someone else?
If we could do this, our world would be a lot better.
The first issue, the attack on me on social media, was minor compared to the vital issues facing the world. But it was a microcosm of what's plaguing the world. It was a simple request from a 'friend' on social media for recs for historical fiction. What showed up on my phone was this:
This is the screenshot from my phone. It is what I saw, even when I went back later to see what I had (supposedly) missed, when her angry response left me confused.
I am often answering emails or FB posts on my phone. I'm out on our land feeding sheep with 26 of them crowding around me as if they're starving, nearly knocking me off my feet in the mud some days; filling water tanks, schlepping rabbit poop (today's job as it happens was cleaning out the 'maternity wards' as I haven't wanted to disturb gestating mothers for a few weeks), mating rabbits. weeding and watering the garden, processing herbs. I often don't get onto my laptop until 3 or even 5 pm. So I respond on facebook on my phone while waiting for the tank on the back of the UTV to pour 25 gallons into the sheep's water troughs.
I saw the post, answered the question. I'm indie, I'm historical. I thought I was being helpful in answering her question: I'm looking for indie historical fiction.
Instead, the OP left a nasty response to my post, publicly calling my character into question, my 'lack of respect' for not 'respecting her wishes for no self-promo,' informing me she now knew all she needed to know of me--and that was not a compliment. I was utterly confused. I answered her question and she was accusing me of moral deficiency, denouncing my character, accusing me of being a terrible person.
As I was relaxing with my husband in front of the TV after our mutual long days (did I mention I was up to my elbows in cleaning maternity wards, sweating up a monsoon, etc and so forth), I went back to look at her post, to see where I had missed what she claimed she had said, where I had ignored her request of no self-promo. I saw exactly the above post.
Authors! I'm looking for indie historical fiction. What do you recommend?
I clicked on it on my phone, enlarged it, searching. Same exact thing. Nothing other than what was posted in the image above. She wanted recommendations of historical fiction from indie authors. I gave her that. And she was accusing me of character flaws and trying to publicly humiliate me.
Fuming, I went to my computer. Only on my computer did this show:
In returning to my phone, only the above image showed, that did not show the line about no self-promo. To be true to the point of my post, I must acknowledge that she had no way of knowing that my phone did not show me her whole post...had no way of knowing I could not see that last line.
And yet the point of my post is: we don't always know. She didn't know...that I raise sheep and responded on a phone that didn't show her entire post...yet she chose to try to publicly humiliate, insult me, and accuse me of poor character, rather than consider there might be any answer other than that I'm a terrible person of poor character whom she may publicly insult and accuse.
We don't always know what someone else knows, what they've seen, where they've been, what they've been told. And we can try to talk and listen instead of name-calling, chastising, trying to publicly embarrass them.
I grew up in the military, living among other cultures, other ways of life, learning to listen, to learn from, to understand. I have spent literally a lifetime trying to understand where other people are coming from, to withhold my own first thoughts and consider again before indulging in my first reaction. It's time more people do the same...stop their knee-jerk reaction, anger, insults, and instead think about where someone else might be coming from. Think.
The more we refuse to do this...to give others grace, to consider there might be some reason to their words or actions other than they've bad and we should insult them...the more we push society into a progressively angrier place where more and more people lash out, where the world becomes uglier for all of us.
To the person who insulted and slandered my character tonight: I get that you didn't know my phone didn't show your whole post. But because you didn't stop to think, to consider that people aren't just out to be jerks, that there might be some other reason; because you just had to put someone in their place tonight, you made the world an uglier place. You took an innocent attempt to answer your question and made someone else's life worse tonight. Congratulations. What have you won?
Answer: Nothing.
Our son lives nearby. He asked the new owners if he could come and pick up the things. He got a nasty note from the realtor who represented them in the purchase telling him they didn't want to hear from him. In other words: We fully intend to keep these things, though they are not ours. They knew those things were sent there by mistake. They weren't being asked to go to any trouble or expense to return what was not theirs. My son was going to arrive at their convenience to collect what we had paid for, what belonged to us. They decided instead to keep what was not theirs.
Again: Did they make the world a better place or worse? Did they make someone else's day better or worse? I hope they're enjoying drinking from my Books & Brews mugs and using the electronics they didn't pay for and refused to return to the rightful owners. They have not made the world a better place by their actions. They have made it worse. They wouldn't like it if it were done to them, yet they did it to us. And what are they teaching their kids?
In sharp contrast, I came across the channel of Bryce Crawford today, in particular, an interview he did with Howie Mandel. I post it here for reference, knowing most people don't have the time to listen to such a long interview. (I listen while I'm feeding animals, shoveling rabbit fertilizer or watering or weeding the garden.)
WHAT STRUCK ME WAS: that Howie and Bryce clearly are coming from opposite ends of political and religious spectrums. Yet they were respectful, kind, even loving toward each other. Each repeatedly said what respect he had for the other, how they liked the other. I immediately went on to a second interview Bryce did with Trent Horn, a Catholic apologist. Again, it was clear Bryce didn't agree with everything Trent believes...but he listened respectfully, as did Trent in turn, just interested in learning what other people think and why.
The world would be a better place if more people could do tthis.
I confess, if I had the energy after a day of heaving 15 or more 50-pound bags of feed around my Jeep and then into the feed shed, I'd be insanely jealous that this 22-year-old has nearly 2 million followers in less than three years of starting his YouTube channel! Luckily, I'm too exhausted to be jealous! But seriously--I'm glad for his success. He's doing a great service to the world by his example of talking with people, rather than attacking them.
I listened to his videos as I worked today and wished that more people would hear him and follow his example--try to put goodness and kindness and striving for understanding into the world, rather than attack others. How different would life be for all of us if we all did this?
My hope with this post is that more people will strive to put good into the world, to make the day better for someone else; that we would all think ever more about how our words and actions impact the lives of others and how each of us can impact the world around us for better.
I am reminded tonight of a very beautiful woman I once met in the checkout line at Walmart. Truly beautiful in looks and in soul. I was behind her. I accidentally bumped her cart with mine, barely touched it, the very slightest bit, and she turned around, in all her regal beauty, her perfectly-done hair and nails, her beautiful clothes, looked down her nose at me and said in the haughtiest possible tone, speaking down to a peasant, Please do not bump into my cart!
Yes, despite that initial encounter, I do say she was beautiful inside and out because seconds later, she turned around and apologized, said, "I'm sorry, I've had a really hard day and I took it out on you and I shouldn't have."
It took real character to admit that, to apologize, and I hope I will always remember her example and do the same when I make a mistake. She made the world a better place that day by her example.
Our goal should be to leave the world a better place...to make someone's day better. If we do that, our lives have meaning.
If you like this article, you may also like:
High on Spirit Mountain Foreword
If you'd like notecards, puzzles, and more with our Farm Photography, check out our store at Zazzle.
Find the Blue Bells Chronicles at amazon or order them at any brick & mortar store:
Comments
Post a Comment