Meeting Marilyn OR Start with the Man in the Mirror
A Jeep in Lexington, Kentucky with the name MARILYN on it and the world's oldest maternity hospital: I promise you there's a connection! I may take the scenic route to get there!
My oldest son was born in Dublin, Ireland at the world's oldest maternity hospital--the Rotunda. They've been delivering babies since 1745. The nurses there wore uniforms straight out a history book, including little caps on their heads. They greeted me for my three days in the hospital post-birth with, (and you have to imagine this in an Irish brogue) "You're the American! Were you here on holiday!?" Apparently, my fame preceded me! No, I didn't go on holiday while 7 months pregnant. My husband at the time was from a small town outside of Dublin. Hence, our first son was born in Dublin. And Dubliners are born at the Rotunda.
My mother-in-law informed me I'd be staying with them on coming home from the hospital. There are many stories around that, such as why it was a really good thing she insisted on it, my father-in-law getting into a shouting match about moving a man's car out of the narrow road we were trying to get through to go to a pub with my 3-day-old son, how my oldest daughter got her name because I was there, and many more. But one thing that really sticks in my memory is the cultural divide. I didn't expect much difference between American culture and that of a western European country. I was wrong.
At the time, women dressed to go out in public. My mother-in-law put on a skirt and low heels to do the grocery shopping. She found it a bit shocking that I always wore jeans, that I wore dresses perhaps only on Sundays and for special occasions. From my perspective, I felt a bit as if I'd stepped back into 1950s America, to see women don nylons, skirts, and heels, to go to the grocery store. It was a different world.
Jump forward by just a few years. Chris and I went to Lexington, Kentucky. Leaving the place we were at, we rode up the elevator to the top of the car ramp with a woman maybe in her late 20s or early 30s, wearing a wide skirt, perhaps with crinolines under it, that came to her knees. She wore red lipstick, low heels, and her hair was nicely coifed. I told her her outfit was beautiful and asked if she did square dancing. No, she said. She dresses in 50s retro every day. An elevator isn't that much time to talk. But she said, it was a classier time. The clothing had more class than most (all?) of what we see in public today. How we dress impacts our perception of ourselves, others' perceptions of us, how we carry ourselves, how we behave, and society as a whole. So, she chose to dress each day in a classier way.
She got into a white Jeep with the word Marilyn on the sides of the hood and drove off. Marilyn Monroe & Jackie O -- icons of classy fashion.
I wish I could have talked to her more on the subject of how our clothing impacts perceptions, behavior, and society. Alas, it was not to be. But I've long thought that fashion is both a reflection of and an influence on, ourselves and on society.
One thing we discussed somewhere in my acquisition of my masters degree in education was the idea of dressing professionally. Too many teachers, for too many years, have shown up dressed like the students they teach--in jeans, t-shirts, sweatshirts. This sends a message: you and I are the same. It invites students to see their teachers as their equals rather than as adults who have more years, more education, more knowledge, and more wisdom, to whom they should perhaps listen. They have degrees and credentials. And they should dress in a professional way to reflect that. Both in the classroom and when I taught private music lessons, I dressed in a more professional manner, very often in skirts and never, ever wearing a t-shirt or sweatshirt. While performing onstage, I wore concert black, or, in the big band, our uniform of a red dress for the women to match the men's red bow ties and cummerbunds with their black suits. It was a uniform that said something about who we were and what the night and our music (big band) was about.
We send messages about who we are with the clothing we wear. When I wear a skirt and nice shirt or concert black, I am saying, I'm a professionally trained musician with years of experience ready to teach you or give you beautiful music. When I put on leggings or overalls, I'm dressed for the work that needs doing and I'm saying, I'm ready to work hard, get my hands dirty, dodge rams [which is an action not a truck], haul soil, pull weeds, plant seeds. It says: You can trust me to work hard because I'm dressed to work hard.
Dress for success is a saying for a reason. I spoke on one of my Books & Brews podcasts with a woman who helps people get out of tough life situations. When I asked her about one of her greatest success stories, she went immediately to a father of a large family in dire financial straits. He showed up in some grungy clothes for his first talk with her--sweat pants, shorts, an old t-shirt? Something like that. She told him to come back next week dressed like he wanted to succeed, not looking like he was resigned to going home to drink a beer on the couch. [I'm paraphrasing here.] Going by memory, she pointed him to places like thrift stores where he could find more professional clothes even on a budget.
He showed up the next week dressed much more like he planned on having a great job. Many other details were involved, but within weeks, he had a good job. Yes, there were other factors--but it started with recognizing that his clothing sent a message of I'm doomed for failure so I'm dressed to go home in failure to collapse on the couch and eat chips; with dressing instead for the job he wanted, with dressing in a way that told himself and others, This is who I am, this is what I can do, this is what you can expect of me.
We have a lot of violence in today's world, a lot of anger. There are many reasons for this, not just how we dress. But I absolutely believe that how we dress influences our perception and others' perception of ourselves, and how we behave and how others react to us.
I wish I had gotten the name of the woman in the Marilyn Jeep. I wish I could talk to her more. But I think she's on the right track. How we dress impacts ourselves, others, and eventually society as a whole. So she has simply chosen for herself to dress every day in a very classy manner. I hope that others who encounter her will be influenced by that.
She's looking at the (wo)man in the mirror and making that change for herself.
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